


The Pull

by Muse92



Series: if i fall will you pull me up [1]
Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-05
Updated: 2016-12-05
Packaged: 2018-09-06 17:04:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8761636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Muse92/pseuds/Muse92
Summary: Holtz is so in need of Erin but so unsure of Erin.When she is around, Holtz needs something in her hands – anything in her hands – to stop herself from reaching for Erin.Or those times Holtz almost...





	

The first time she notices it, it’s already too late.

Her hands hang uselessly in the air between them. She needs to think of something to do with them, anything at all, before Erin realises something is amiss. She couldn’t stop them, one moment Erin had been laughing at something and the next second her hands were moving, reaching for Erin, the need to physically be closer to her engulfing her being.

Erin’s eyes flick between Holtz’s hands and her face, head tilting to the side in confusion.

Holtz lets her smile widen, almost manic like, bringing her hands closer together and performing a finger dance, bopping her head to create a rhythm. Erin’s face splits, a grin forming as her nose crinkles in delight, then brings her own hands up to do a little finger wave before shaking her head and walking off to follow behind Abby.

Holtz breathes a sigh of relief at Erin’s retreating form. Digging her hands deep into the pockets of her pants in search of her trusty pocket knife, she pulls the item up to her face inspecting the surface. The same worn grooves and scratches cover its surface, it’s comforting that it’s exactly as it should be.

So much is changing around her, for the better she hopes, but Erin and their _dismissal_ from the institute really had thrown them into a tail spin. They have 3 carts of equipment stored in her apartment and no-where yet for them to continue their work; work that now includes the mystery that is Dr Erin Gilbert. An Erin that is so intelligent and put together but entirely too fragile at the same time, who will finger dance with her in the middle of the street one moment but in the next panic about how their work will affect her image. An Erin wrapped so tightly in tweed and tiny bowties, move so stiffly, so unsure of herself, but an Erin who Holtz can see the signs of ease and confidence slowly filling her movements.

Erin somehow manages to fall outside everything she knows about people; she doesn’t fit into any of the categories of people Holtz has. She’s beautiful, but clearly doesn’t see it. Intelligent, but doesn’t trust it. Insecure despite her achievements. It doesn’t quite add up the way it should do and it intrigues her. Holtz wants to get inside her mind, understand her. The mystery that is Dr Erin Gilbert is just screaming at her to be unravelled.

Holtz shakes her head, trying to clear her thoughts, presses the knife tight into the palm of her hand and jobs after her colleagues, her friends. The cool press of metal in her palm calms the thoughts in her mind. It’s new, this desire for contact; she needs to focus on their work.

 

* * *

 

“Ok, so the firehouse might have been a bust but I’m telling you the smell of Chinese won’t even be noticeable in a few days!” Abby declares as she wheels in yet another trolley of equipment. “I have a good feeling about this place.”

Erin scoffs and for a second it looks as if she will speak, but she doesn’t, Holtz watching the gears turning in Erin’s brain turning the entire time. The scoff was unintentional, her mouth opens, and there is almost a mischievous glint in her eyes; but Holtz can see the exact moment Erin moves away from the comment she was going to say. Her face blushes, she closes her mouth, pursing her lips as if to keep anything from spilling out and it kills Holtzmann. She needs to know what thought had popped into Erin’s head.

Abby, hearing the scoff herself, turns in Erin’s direction, popping a hip and points a finder menacingly in her directions.

“Don’t you scoff at me, your addiction to Chinese was as bad as mine and I don’t for a second believe _that_ has gone away in all this time.”

Erin’s face flushes a deeper read and Holtz is captivated by the reaction. Erin crosses her arms, a single eyebrow rises as if in challenge.

“Abby, no-one is as addicted to Chinese as you,” she says, purposefully turning her attention back to the box she had been unpacking. “It’s probably worse than Holtz’ and mine put together.”

Holtz doesn’t know where to look; Erin trying to hide the grin threatening to spill over her face, or Abby with her tell-tale devilish smirks that can mean nothing good is about to happen. Abby spins on her heel, heading back to the door and Holtz turns back to Erin, carefully watching the woman sift through the box in from of her, completely unaware of Holtzmann.

“Whatever you say Erin,” Abby call back over her shoulder as she reaches the door. “But I do believe it was you that won a year’s supply of Chinese during that eating contest and you –“

“Abigail!” Erin yells, dripping the items she had in her hands.

Her face scrunches, her hands twitching at her sides, mouth opening and closing in an effort to speak but nothing happens. Bright red Erin is stuck staring at the place where Abby had just been standing, her exciting giggling floating up the stairs as she makes her quick exit. Holtz leans forward over her worktop, trying to get closer to Erin, to watch the emotions washing over her face. Erin pinches the bride of her nose between her fingers, all but completely oblivious to Holtz’s presence in the room.

“So… a Chinese eating contest?” Holtz asks, aiming for nonchalance but not quite hitting that mark.

Erin spins towards her, “Don’t you even think about it Holtz, you didn’t hear any of that.”

“Alriiight.”

But she did hear it, and files it carefully away in her mind with all the other facts she learns about Erin. _Loves Chinese as much as Abby. Won a year’s supply of Chinese food at an eating contest._ There not really the kind of facts that help unravel the mystery of Erin, they almost spin it tighter, but she files them anyway. Erin goes back to unpacking, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth to worry at it. A nervous tick Holtz has noticed, one that comes out when Erin is sure no-one is looking.

She leans back off the worktop, reaching for the volume of her stereo and turns it up, letting the music take over her mind, her body. It starts with some head bopping that is quickly joined by the shoulders, her entire body picking up on the rhythm. It’s jumpy and erratic but she loves it, it’s her in so many ways.

Holtz keeps an eye on Erin, waiting for her to notice the dancing, t hoping she will join in. She watches the twitch of Erin’s lips when she first notice the dancing, the tiniest scrunch of her nose, definitely caught her attention now.

“Oh, we’re dancing now.”

It’s almost a question, as if Erin is not sure of exactly what Holtz is doing, not sure if this is a celebration she should be joining in on. Her smile is awkward as her attempts to join in on the dancing but it sets Holtz’ heart racing nonetheless. She closes her eyes, letting the feeling wash over her, the beat of the music, the pounding of her heart and the sounds of Erin dancing just across the room.

Erin’s signature finger guns come out and Holtz can’t contain her joy, this woman will honestly destroy her. How on Earth Erin ended up with finger guns as her signature move Holtz is desperate to know. She dances her way slowly past her work bench, her movements growing more exaggerated with each passing moment, watching as the smile on Erin’s face grows, and that desire low in her stomach to be closer to Erin grows.

She’s more aware of it this time; the pulling at her belly button as if a string ties her to Erin, the tingle in her fingertips, almost itching to grab hold of her. She’s prepared this time, she won’t let herself get closer – not yet at least. She moves further away from her desk, eyes scanning her surrounding and falling on her blow torches.

She sweeps them up in ne quick motion, squeezing the grips firmly in her palms. The need is still there, the tingle in her fingers not completely satisfied but it’s enough. She swings them wildly in time her dancing completely oblivious to anything other than Erin, the look of astonishment on her face. Her efforts grow bolder, wanting to impress Erin.

Her world is no narrowed to Erin and the way her body reacts to Erin she doesn’t notice the fire, not at first. Not until the look of panic flashes across Erin’s face. Holtz keeps her calm demeanour, used to this kind of incident in the office; she glides smoothly over to the nearest fire extinguisher not letting the fire interrupt her dancing before making her way back towards the fires, extinguisher poised in her hands.

Erin seems flustered, exasperated, desperate for the fire to be put out; her dancing has stopped and she tried to hurry Holtz’ movement toward the fire. Holtz keeps her eyes on Erin as she closes the distance, aiming the nozzle at the base of the fire and only taking her eyes off Erin when she squeezes the trigger.

“Thank you.” Erin breathes a sigh of relief, a hint of a smile at the corner of her lips.

Holtz ignores the growing tingling in her fingers at that smile, focusing her attention on Abby as she walks back into the room with another laden trolley. 

 

* * *

 

It’s not jealousy; she swears it’s not jealousy, but the way Erin seems to melt at the sight of Kevin maker her head spin. It’s not jealousy; she just wants to understand what is going on in Erin’s head. Erin’s brain to mouth filter has suddenly disappeared and her body is reacting to Kevin in such a peculiar way.

It’s just the scientist in her overloading on variables and data in her study of Erin Gilbert.

It has to be.

She sits on Abby’s other side, purposely away from Erin. She needs to understand what Erin sees, what Erin is thinking.

“Jillian Holtzmann, Radio Times, so what have you been doing with your whole life?”

Holtz can’t help but notice the way Erin leans in closer to Kevin, anticipating his response. Her foot tapping under the desk in an attempt to focus her nervous energy away from her hands, away from reaching for Erin – to pull her back or push her forward she can’t quite tell.

It’s not jealousy. It’s curiosity.

She flips a pen through her fingers.

 

* * *

 

 

She’s always been such a physical person, so quick to pull the people around her close at any given moment. Holtz has never ignored that part of herself before and that’s the hardest thing about these urges. She is actively stopping herself and she isn’t entirely sure why she’s doing it. She still finders herself pulling Erin in for a hug in a group setting, poking her when trying to get her attention, leaning against her, but when that desire hits she pulls back. She stops herself, occupies her hands, her energy.

They’ve all squeezed into the back of a taxi, all dripping in the gooey ectoplasm, the driver begrudgingly letting them in after the offer of extra money for the cleaning bill. Erin’s entire left side is pressed up against Holtzmann whole finds herself pressed against the window. It’s not like she isn’t used to touching Erin, she had only just pulled her away from near death, had only just carefully connected her to the proton machines that now sits broken in the trunk. But this, this is a different feeling.

Erin twists her fingers together in her lap, her knee bouncing, unable to sit still. The ectoplasm covers her worst and the feeling is uncomfortable with the amount Holtz is dealing with, for Erin it must be beyond disgusting. The ectoplasm drips down her nose, drips down her shirt, her hair hangs flaccid against her face and it’s entrancing. Holtzmann struggles to keep her eyes in the city they speed through. Every movement of Erin’s catches her attention.

The tingling is back, the pull in her stomach. She sits so close to Erin but her body wants more. She carefully reaches into her pocket, searching for anything to occupy her hands but comes up empty. Her trusty pocket knife proving untrustworthy today.

She can’t help herself, watches as her hand moves closer to Erin’s, her heat beat rises the closer she gets. It comes to rest on Erin’s hands, squeezing gently to stop their twisting, and at first Erin’s entire body stiffens at her touch that she always pulls away but Erin softens. Her knees stop bouncing and her hands relax under Holtzmann’s grip.

“Thanks,” Erin whispers quietly in Holtz’ direction.

Whether it’s for pulling her away from the speeding train, or just calming her nerves Holtz doesn’t know but she doesn’t take her hand away from the rest of the trip back to the office.

 

* * *

 

Erin and Abby are exactly the kind of people Holtzmann had always dreamed of working with. They are as passionate about their own fields of work as she is, both as invested in the study of the paranormal, and both as dedicated. In some ways they are both as crazy as she is.

She bounces ideas off them when she finds herself stuck on a design flaw. Finds herself resting her chin on Abby’s shoulder as she glances over Abby’s work, leant provocatively against Erin’s white board as they work on a tough equation together. These two people are quickly becoming something akin to a family to her.

Erin’s knack for being in the office as many hours as Holtz is however is proving to be the biggest struggle of everything they do. As the night progresses Erin becomes more and more relaxed, the darkening sky brings out a softness in her that Holtz loves and hates at the same time.

Abby leaves the office every night at 5pm, she has always been good at the work life balance things Holtz has never been able to grasp. And apparently neither has Erin. The fall into a routine together in their time alone at night.

The sun sets and Erin puts on a fresh pot of coffee to get through the night ahead, brings Holtzmann a fresh mug in her favourite mug. She doesn’t even know how Erin knows it’s her favourite. Without fail, every evening Erin will pull a chair up at her desk with two cups of coffee, and when she’s very lucky Erin will have a new pack of Pringles. Most nights, Erin will ask her about the designs she working on, her voice quiet and eyes drooping as she waits for the coffee to hit her system. Holtz will just as quietly explain her plans to her.

These nights are hard. She wants nothing more than to pull Erin closer to her, wrap an arm around her and guide her through the plans. She doesn’t. She wheels herself closer, closer enough to feel the heat radiating of Erin’s body and spins the designs so Erin can see them better. She pulls out her designs when the sun starts to set just to ensure Erin won’t leave in fear of something exploding on the table when she sits there.

By far the worst nights are the ones where Erin doesn’t ask her questions. Those nights are all but impossible for Holtz to control herself. Tonight is one of those nights.

Erin brings her a coffee as usual but her own cup is filled with peppermint tea. The smell alone causes her body to react, to itch in anticipation of this Erin. These nights Erin won’t stay late in the office. She’s much too tired to work but can’t quite bring herself to leave yet. Sleepy Erin is quickly becoming her favourite Erin. This Erin comes out so very rarely.

Her body sags under the weight of her tiredness, her movements slow. She won’t speak, just a small nod of her head when Holtz thanks her for the coffee. She pulls her chair close to Holtzmann’s, not close enough to be touching her but Erin’s small invades Holtz’ personal space and it’s intoxicating. Breathing in deep Holtzmann takes a second to compose herself before turning to Erin completely, a raised eyebrow in question and quick flick of her eyes to her work and back up to Erin.

Erin shakes her head; tonight will not be a night for Holtzmann to fill the silence. Tonight Erin will just sit close to Holtz, enjoying her company while she works on her projects. Picking her pen up Holtz gets back to work, her grip tighter than normal, and pressed the tip hard against the paper.

Erin sips her tea, a reminder to Holtz to drink her coffee before it gets too cold. It’s exactly the way she likes when Erin makes it, a combination she hasn’t been able to replicate when making her own coffee. She rolls the cup in her hands watching Erin from the corner of her eye. Erin leans forwards, her elbow on the table trying to get a clearer view of Holtz’ work. Holtz moves closer, twisting her body just so to let Erin see. If Erin moves closer as well, she puts it down to her tiredness.

Erin sighs quietly beside her, tiredness clearly taking over her being. Holtz presses the pen harder into the paper, not caring if she rips through to the other side. She wants to turn, to take Erin in her arms and take her over to the couch, let her rest. She doesn’t. Her knee bounces in place instead.

She is hyper-aware of Erin; her breathing rate matchings Erin’s; her body moving in time with Erin’s, keeping the distance between them ever the same; Her eyes catching Erin’s before they quickly look away only for Erin to catch her looking away. It’s too much and not enough at the same time, her body vibrates with everything that is Erin and nothing at all.

Holtz sees it happening in slow motion and moves quickly; the closing of her eyes, the tilting of her hand and cup, her head nodding to the side. Holtzmann’s right arm flashes out and wraps around her waist while the other reach for the cup before it falls from Erin’s grip and suddenly she is surrounded by Erin completely. She places the cup carefully on the desk and then reaches up with that same hand to push the bangs from Erin’s eyes.

“Hey... Erin?” Her voice is soft; maybe even the softest she’s ever spoken and her movement careful. “Erin, it’s time to get up, get you home.”

“Mhmm,” Erin hums against Holtzmann’s shoulder and this is definitely too much but she can’t help the grin that creeps over her face.

“Is that a yes or a no?” Erin simply digs herself deeper into Holtzmann’s embrace, shielding herself from the lights in the office.

“Eri-in,” She draws out the name, jostling her slightly to wake her. “Erin with an E, we need to get you home.”

“No, don’t want to...” Erin finally lifts her face to the lights, eyes still closed and frowning slightly. “Couch please.”

Holtz finds herself laughing quietly, picking up an almost asleep Erin and taking her to the couch. Her fingers feel like they are burning against Erin’s skin and her heart races; the smell that she has come to associate with Erin completely overpowering the Chinese food that usually invades their office space. She smiles to herself, the pull in her stomach satisfied, the itch in her fingers burning away.

She lays Erin carefully down and pulls a blanket over her body and quickly makes her way back to her desk, back to her pens and paper, hands clenching by her sides the entire time.

 

* * *

 

 

Patty is so funny and so intelligent, the kind of intelligence Holtzmann envies though she’ll never admit it, social intelligence. Patty sees a world Holtz has never understood. When Holtz looks out on the world she sees number and plans and possibilities. When Patty looks she sees the people and the places, she sees the here and now. She sees their needs and wants and more times than not she knows exactly what she is supposed to do. Patty exudes confidence, Holtzmann does too, but Patty’s is something different, something deeper.

Patty has been in the office no longer than two weeks and already she sees straight through each and every single one of them. She floats through the room when she’s not reading up on her history at exactly the right time. A hand on Abby’s shoulder almost the second before she snaps a pencil with an offer to go out for lunch together. An all-engulfing hug when Erin walks in the door later than usual in the morning. A healthy snack for Holtzmann who hadn’t even realised she was hungry.

She’s not envious of Patty, she is so very impressed and so very glad to have someone like Patty join the group. She keeps them in high spirits and ensures they take time away from their work - maybe Patty will finally instil the importance of work life balance in Holtzmann.

If there is anything, Patty is too observant for Holtzmann’s liking. She catches Patty watching her watch Erin more times than she should and her normal defence mechanism of dancing them into distraction doesn’t work so well on Patty. She will join in of the dance, wildly swinging Holtzmann around the room, but her eyes narrow when they part, scrutinizing her.

“You got it bad, baby.” Patty tells her late in the afternoon, her body leaned against Holtz’ desk but head turned towards Erin’s place in the office.

“Patty cakes, my love,” Holtzmann begins, swinging her chair in a full circles to buy herself time, her fingers digging into the seat of her chair. “Don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Sure you don’t Holtz,” Patty says, smirking at the way Holtzmann squirms in her chair. “It’s not like you’ve been glancing at Erin every five minutes -” she glances down at her watch, “- actually it’s been almost seven minutes since the last time you did it.”

Holtzmann swings her legs, pushing the chair back and forth, and forces herself not to glance in Erin’s direction. Her knuckles turning white as her grip tightens on the chair.

“Calculating the fastest way out should I explode this highly volatile equipment is all. Medium poof and we’re all good, anything bigger than that and the window by Erin’s whiteboard is out safest bet!”

She finished her sentence with a flourish of her arms, stretching her aching finger in the air in front of her eyes, but she can feel her body betray her. That pull towards Erin rising and she glances quickly towards Erin at work at the whiteboard, the shorts of glances, barely anything, but Patty sees it. Of course she does.

“Don’t fight it,” Patty says shaking her head.

 

* * *

 

 

It’s been a long day but the sun is still out and Holtz definitely has an idea on how to cheer up the group. Erin seems particularly exhausted and she hates seeing her like this. She pulls the team haphazardly into the alley behind their building.

“We got to be prepared, that’s why I’ve make a table of treats,” She starts after Abby’s little pep talk, leaning against the table she had set up earlier. “Erin, you’ve had a hard day – step up, pick a gun, any gun.”

She watches in delight as Erin’s face lights up as she moves only slightly hesitantly towards the weapons assorted on the table, her cheeks reddening is barely discernible. Fingers dancing over the weapons on offer and eyes darting to Holt’. Patty’s eyes narrow at Holtz, watching the exchange unfolding.

Holtzmann tries to play it cool, eyeing Erin, she wants to giver he the best weapon. A weapon worthy of everything this Erin is, what Erin could be. To impress her and to let Erin impress the world. Erin’s fingers pause over the biggest gun on the table before sliding her fingers over the grip.

“Nooo!” Holtz yells out suddenly, making Erin drop the gun back on the table, a look of confusion and disappointment clouding her features.

That pull wrenches at her being, she needs to do something to stop herself from moving closer to Erin, needs to do something for Erin to stop that disappointment. Anything for Erin. Her fingers tingle and she shoves them deep into her pockets searching for a distraction.

“I’m sorry, not that gun.” Holtz begins, mind already racing with improvements she can make for the weapon. “That one’s not ready, it’s yours when it is. In the meantime... this.”

She wants to give Erin something in lieu of a new gun and pulls out her pocket knife, fingers sliding over the comforting grooves, and hands it to Erin. Wonder overshadowing her confusion and Holtz breathes a sigh of relief.

“Whoa, what does it do?” She pulls the knife closer to her face, inspecting the item closely.

“It’s a Swiss Army Knife,” And the disappointment in Erin’s face returning to Erin’s face causes Holtzmann’s stomach to drop. “No woman should walk around unarmed.” Her voice louder, trying to mask her emotion, her guilt at Erin’s disappointment.

“I know what it does,” Erin states, the excitement completely gone from her voice.

Holtz glances quickly at Patty who simply shrugs and tilts her head back towards Erin.

“Also here,” Holtz continues, reaching for one of the grenades on the table. “Why don’t you take this?”

She places the weapon in Erin’s hand and guides her into the middle of the alley, forcing her shaking fingers to still against Erin’s body.

“Give that a toss,” Holtz explains, “That’s gonna send up a little poof, it’s only dangerous to ghosts.”

Holtz takes the smallest step back as Erin punches the button at the top of the device and throws it at the fake ghost set up for target practice. The grenade moves in a large arc across the alleyway, landing just behind the target and there is the tiniest of delay before the explosion hits. Debris flying through the air, Erin’s arms move to protect her head and she stumbles back from the explosion.

“Yeah, my mistake,” Holtz laughs, “It was a medium poof.”

Erin’s smile is wide when she straightens and Holtz’s stomach flips at the site of it. A new pep to her step as she reach for the next weapon before she hands it to Patty despite the urge to give another one to Erin. Erin moves in closer to Patty, inspecting the new weapon, eyes transfixed on the device.

The swelling in her chest is definitely pride.

 

* * *

 

 

“That’s it,” Patty all but yells into the silence of the room, “I’m calling it, we’ve done enough today let’s take a break.”

She throws the book she had been reading not so gently on her desk and makes her way over to Abby, pulling her from her computer.

“Its movie night,” She turn her attention to both Erin and Holtzmann, pointing an accusatory finger at both of them. “And there is no getting out of this one.”

“Yes!” Holtz yells, pushing off her desk and letting the chair take her across the room to Erin’s desk. “Come on Erin, I’ve got the best movie in mind.”

Erin smiles putting her pen carefully back down in its place by her notebook, and glances up and Holtzmann. “Pretty sure it’s my turn to pick the movie Holtzy.”

“Exactly, and I have the best suggestion.” Holtz says, grabbing Erin’s hand and pulling her toward the TV space they had set up in the back room.

It had been Patty’s idea to create a break out space for them all, a place to get away from their work when it all became too much that didnt mean having to go all the way home, and Holtzmann will forever be grateful for the idea. She spends so much time in the office it’s nice to have somewhere comfortable to crash when she can’t quite force herself to leave her projects for the night.

Erin laughs behind her, squeezing her hand tightly, and Holtz laughs along with her, she feels lighter in the moment. She plops down on the ground in front of the TV unit and pulls Erin down messily beside her, arms and legs tangling, before throwing open the cupboards to reveal their DVD collection.

“So,” Erin begins as she untangles herself from Holtz, “What movie did you have in mind?”

Holtzmann doesn’t answer right away. Instead she rifles through the collection, pulling several DVDs from the cupboard and piles them on Erin’s lap. Erin laughs at the mix-matches piles as it grows, from Disney’s Mulan to Alien V. Predator. At 7 DVDs Holtz stops searching and finally focuses her attention back on Erin, her smile wide and eyes wild.

“So many good movies,” She reaches a hand between them and boops Erin’s nose, “But I guuuesss, it is your night to chose so...”

Holtz flips backwards, rolling onto her knees and makes her way over to the couch directly opposite the TV, the biggest of the few arranged around the TV, and sprawls herself out comfortably. Erin flips through the pile in her lap for a moment before turning the TV on putting the movie on. Sanding she surveys the room; Patty had taken the couch on the left and arranged herself a fort of pillows, Abby is on the opposite couch under and array of blankets and snacks, leaving Holtzmann on the couch I the middle.

She smiles to herself, tucking a few loose strands of hair behind her ear, and makes her way to the larger couch, Abby handing her a packet of Jubes and Pringles on her way. There is a moment of hesitation and Holtzmann watches with a smile as Erin gets closer to her, she lifts her legs to allow Erin to sit on the couch before immediately putting her legs back down across Erin’s thighs.

Pillows, blankets, and snack are thrown around the room as they all settle in for the movie. Erin shifts under Holtz’ legs to get comfortable, pulling a blanket of them and leaning back into the couch.

This is the kind of contact Holtzmann enjoys, its casual, friendly. They’re just going to watch the movie together. The smallest amount of her skin is exposed by her rolled up jeans and occasionally Erin will shift under the black and brush her hand against her skin. That kind of contact speeds her heart rate but she ignores it, enjoying just the simple please of being close to her friends. Erin presses play on the movie and Holtz pops the lid on her snack, unceremoniously shovelling a handful of chips into her mouth.

The opening scenes have only just lit up the darkened room when Erin rests her hand firmly against Holtz’ leg under the blanket, just above the ankle, skin on skin.

Holtz freezes, waiting for the hand to move, for the accidental crush he thinks it is to end. It doesn’t. Erin’s hand stays right there and a fire starts at the point of contact and radiates up her body. She carefully places the can of Pringles on the floor beside her and glances at Erin, a hint of a smile on her lips.

Erin is already looking at her and gently squeezes her leg, a silent question; Holtz gives the smallest of nods and turn back to the TV pulling one arm behind her head to prop herself up slightly.

Holtz knows she picked this movie really but she honestly can’t remember what they are watching even as she stares at the TV screen. 10 minutes in and Erin’s thumb had started to gently stroke across her skin. She struggles to keep her eyes open, to keep her mind on the movie, to keep her hands securely under her head.

She focuses on her breathing, trying to keep it calm, keep it steady, and wonders if Erin knows what she’s doing. Wonders if Erin can tell what she’s doing to her.

She thinks she does.

Every time she lets herself glance up at Erin she’s looking right back at her, the softest expression on her face and the smallest squeeze on her leg.

She gets half through the movie with her hands pressed securely under her head, twisting and untwisting the hair at the base of her neck, but it’s not enough. Not nearly enough. She wants Erin, to touch her in some innocent way, she needs Erin. It’s all getting too much, the radiating warmth up her leg, the tightness in her stomach, she needs to release her energy somehow.

She shifts the upper half of her body, pulling an art out from behind her head. Erin’s movements stop immediately, hand freezing in place. Holtz lets her hand fall along the back of the couch, close to Erin. She wants something, anything, but she doesn’t want to just take.

She glances at Erin, smiling in her direction when she finally catches her eyes, and Erin begins her motions again and Holtz just waits for something more. It’s only a few more minutes before Holtz feels Erin’s hand slide into her own and her breath catches for a moment.

 

* * *

 

 

She allows herself those innocent touches now; let’s herself reach for Erin in the quietest moments of their days. But with the ramping up of their projects and the increase in ghost activity those times are fewer and further apart. And every day the need grows those innocent touches aren’t enough.

They don't speak about. It just happens.

When they pull up in the hearse Holtz opens the door for Erin, their fingers touching for the briefest of moments.

When Erin lowers herself and steps into her pack her hand always finds its way to Holtz’ shoulder to steady herself, holds it there just a beat too long.

Watching Erin use her pack against ghosts in on the most enthralling experiences of her life. It’s mesmerising and almost causes a few extra accidents but she can’t help herself. Watching Erin wield her weapons is all encompassing. That desire grows in these moments and Holtz doesn’t want those innocent touches, she wants more.

Erin looks at her after a bust and Holtz swears she sees the same desire in her eyes.

They don't speak about it.

Erin always sits in the front on the drive back from a bust, drenched in ectoplasm, next to Holtzmann. Holtz laughs at the goo dripping down her hair but relishes the way Erin closes her eyes when she wipes some of it from her hair. Patty yells that Holtz needs to keep both hands on the wheel or they won’t let her drive anymore.

She laughs harder, clapping both hands together above the wheel. Erin laugh along with her, Abby yells at her from the back seat and Patty scolds Erin for encouraging Holtzmann.

Holtzmann ignores the way she can see Patty smiling as her eyes shift between Erin and herself in the rear view mirror.

She’s not fighting it... well not fighting some of it, but she certainly isn’t talking about it.

 

* * *

 

 

This is it; this is how she dies – flung out the window by her possessed best friend.

It’s not how she imagined it, not really, not in the slightest.

Erin is the only thing o her mind.

She speaks more than she thinks.

_Erin._

_Erin._

_Erin._

* * *

 

Rowan’s plan is in full swing and Erin can’t be reached but Holtz can’t think about that right now. There is too much going on, too much to do. She can’t not think about it.

They’ve lost the hearse the city is overrun with ghosts and there is a parade of giant ghostly parade balloons just the next block over.

“I just made eye contact,” Holtz says coming to a stop.

“With a balloon?” Abby asks incredulously.

“Yeah, right down the barrel!”

The balloon in questions swings around, turns in their direction and suddenly a barrage of balloons are coming at them and their weapons aren’t enough. They can’t shoot them fast enough; the balloons don’t pop as easily as real balloons.

They’re bearing down on them and there isn’t time. There isn’t anything.

They dice, trying in vain to get out of the way but the ghost is too large.

This has to be the end now, can’t get lucky twine in one day.

“Oh man, this is just wrong!” Patty’s muffled yell only inches from her and Holtz can only just make it out.

“I can’t move my hand, can’t reach my gun.” Abby is closer but no more audible.

“Guys, this is exactly how I pictured my death.”

It’s not but she needs an escape, she can’t do this seriously twice in an afternoon.

_Erin._

_Erin._

_Erin._

A pop, a whistling and suddenly the ghost is exploding around them. And there she is, like the answer to an elusive equation, coming out of left field when it’s not expected. Just the sight of her and Holtzmann finds a little piece of calm I the chaos of a city at war, a city on the brink of ruin.

“Protons guns are all well and good but sometimes you need the Swiss Army Knife.” Erin smirks.

And this is the Erin Holtz knew was hiding behind the tweed and self-consciousness. Proud, confident.

“Welcome back!” Holtz says above the ringing in her ears. “Am I shouting? I think the balloon popped my ears.”

She’s here and the pull is strong but they don’t have time, she flings and arm briefly around Erin before pushing on.

They have a city to save.

 

* * *

 

 

They’re surrounded; multitudes of ghosts circle them, spirits from every time. There is where they’ll make their stand. This is where they’ll save the city.

Pack at the ready they charge. There is so much going on but Holtz keeps an eye on Erin as much as possible. Watches as Erin pulls out the blaster she’d only just installed on Erin’s pack after promising it to her when it was ready.

She pauses in the middle of the fight, she can’t help herself. The need to watch this single moment overwhelming her. Erin takes am and fires, the kickback forcing her to take a step back. The look of glee and exhilaration on Erin’s face all she needs to get back to her own fight. The pull in her stomach white hot, anything but innocent.

She doesn’t have time.

Pulling her own new toys out from her pack Holtzmann re-enters the fray invigorated.

 

* * *

 

 

She’s frozen, stuck, Holtzmann doesn’t know what she needs to do, what she should be doing. Her best friend is pulled into the vortex and all she can do is watch. What is she supposed to do, she needs to do something.

Movement in the corner of her eyes catches her attention and then Erin is running past her, running straight for the portal and her blood runs cold. She can’t lose both of them. She can’t lose her family. Erin disappears into the vortex just and the building forms and around it and she screams. Holtzmann screams their names as if it could bring them back to the plane of existence.

Patty moves before she does, runs for the wire Erin had wrapped around her waist in the moment before leaping after Abby. She yells at Holtzmann, urging her forward. She stumbles but her rip is tight on the wire.

She needs them back. Her best friends. Her family.

The skin on her palms rips against the wire but she doesn’t let the pooling blood loosen her grips.

She pulls as if her own life depends on it.

Somehow she thinks it does.

There’s an increase in tension and they pull harder on the have the wire release almost instantly and she falls back, eyes on the doors hoping against everything to see Abby and Erin step through it.

It’s more of a fly through than a step but the relief washes over Holtzmann, they are safe, followed by disbelief. They survived the portal; they’ve been to the other plane and survived. Her eyes focus on her friends and she almost can’t believe what she is seeing.

“Shut up! YES!” She jumps to her feet and runs for Erin, Patty just a step behind her.

She pulls Erin into her, hugging her close to her body. The need for Erin satiated in the moment. She is alive. Abby is alive. Her family is together, even if there a little more white hair in the group than before.

There’s laughter and Holtz can barely contain her happiness.

“What... what year is it?”

She really can’t help herself, “It’s 2040, out president is a plant.”

 

* * *

 

 

Holtz has never been the best at speeches, or speaking from the heart seriously but the need to let her friends know what she feels is important. She almost lost them and they don't even know how much they mean to her. She showers them in her own brand of love, with dances and jokes and amazing weapons but she never says the words.

And if her eyes fall on Erin when says love she can’t really blame herself.

And if Patty smiles warmly at her, she lets that warmth and pride swell in her chest.

And if Abby finally clues in on the chemistry between her and Erin she just laughs.

And if Erin’s eyes water as much as hers do, a small smiles and a nod, she lets the pull in her stomach take over her body.

This is her family

This is her home.

 

* * *

 

 

The firehouse is huge and still somehow Holtzmann find herself working in close quarters with Erin. She’s not sure how it happened but her lab on the second floor quickly became their lab. Erin spends most of her day up here, one wall filled with whiteboards of her scrawled equations.

She gives into the innocence of her desire every time; reaching for Erin when she’s stuck on a design, when she needs to just feel her closeness; moving towards her when she’s been staring at an equation for too long, when she yells in triumph at her own progress.

Erin’s grown bolder in her desire, reaching for Holtzmann almost as much.

Always innocent.

A brush of fingers, a hand on her back, a head rested on her shoulder, movie nights on the bigger couch together.

Patty and Abby have bets on when something will finally happen. Holtz won’t tell Erin about those bets, doesn’t want to put that pressure on her.

It’s just starting to get late and tomorrow is an important day, not that the others know yet. Her mentor is coming in to look over her work. She should really get some sleep. Abby and Patty call their goodbyes up the stairs quickly followed by the sound of the front door closing. Holtz is beyond exhausted, working more than she should have to get everything ready for tomorrow. She leans back against her chair, her joints popping as she stretches, the warmth of the setting sun filtering in through the large windows.

The smell of peppermint invades the room and Holtz closes her eyes, relishing in the memories it brings. She hears Erin approaching, hears the mugs being placed on the bench in front of her, but she doesn’t open her eyes yet. Doesn’t want to break the spell and decline the coffee she really can’t drink tonight.

“Holtz, your drink will get cold if you stay like that much longer.” Erin says, she sounds almost as tired as Holtz feels.

She reaches a hand out, resting it against Erin’s knee. Enjoys the warmth of Erin’s body against her own, and finally opens her eyes.

“I’m just so tired, Erin.” It’s almost a whisper, almost an excuse.

Erin wraps and arm around her and pulls her closer, resting her head atop Holtz’ own. “I know, the drink will help you sleep.”

Confused, Holtz glances at the drinks on the counter. Two mugs of steaming liquid, neither of them a coffee, she looks back at Erin still confused.

“Peppermint always helps me go to sleep.”

They drink in silence, leaning into each other, enjoying the feeling of just being there. When at last Erin finishes her drink she silently pulls Holt by the hand to the couch set in the corner under the window. Laying them both down across its length.

It’s the most contact at one time between them, their entire bodies pressed against each other, Holtz’ head tucked under Erin’s chin. She feels alight, every inch of Erin burning her in the best kind of way. Holtzmann twists the fabric of Erin’s jumper into her palms and focus on exactly this moment as it is.

 

* * *

 

 

Holtzmann is lost in the moment, her mentor, her friends, and her work. Everything she loves is right here and she’s never felt like this before. Never felt quite so complete.

She’s never been good with introductions and they still haven’t talked about it.

“And we’re dating.”

Holtzmann knows the second the words leave her mouth they are the wrong ones. Erin backtracks, eyes wide. While Abby, ever faithful Abby, has her back.

It really is back to the drawing boards. How could she have been that wrong, it felt like dating.

She pushes the need to understand Erin down; it’s note the time for it. She needs to ignore the pull, ignore the confusion she feels and the confusion she sees on Erin’s face. Her grip on the device in her hand tightens and she turns completely towards Dr. Gorin. She needs the distraction.

She watches in the corner of her eye as Abby pushes Erin out of the lab, whispering furiously in her ear.

 

* * *

 

 

The firehouse is quiet, everyone must have left for the night but Holtzmann sits in her lab dejectedly staring at the plans scatter around her desk. She’s been staring at them for hours, looking but not really seeing them. She doesn’t know what to do, she wishes she was like Patty and could just know what she was supposed to do. Or like Abby and just not care about the consequences and do what she loves.

But she’s not likes Patty and she’s not like Abby. Her calculations must have been off but she doesn’t know where the equation started going wrong to try and fix it.

There’s a noise behind her and Holtz spins in her chair to find Erin standing behind her and it feels so much like the beginning. Erin seems rigid, timid, as if she has lost all the confidence being a Ghostbuster has brought out in her.

Holtz digs her hands into her pockets entirely surprised and disappointed to find them empty. Erin stands there looking at her like she’s been broken and Holtz wants nothing more to fix it. Whatever it is. Take is all back if she must.

She leans forward in her chair, reaching a hand towards Erin. Erin’s hand twitches just the tiniest bit closer to Holtz’ and she takes that as an invitation. Entwining their fingers and swinging their joined hands slowly between their bodies.

“You haven’t asked me.”

It’s a simple statement that hangs between them. Holtz tilting her head and it seems so simple, so unbelievably simple. Like the answer to a difficult equation coming out of left field. It’s obvious once you know the answer.

They still haven’t talked about.

Holtzmann stands, letting go of Erin’s hand, watching the worry flicker over her features. She steps closer to Erin, both hands coming to rest on Erin’s waist.

“Dr. Erin Gilbert, would you do me the honour of being my girlfriend?”

Erin nods, smile breaking out on her face.

She doesn’t fight it, not in the slightest, not a single part. Erin’s hands tangle in her hair as she pulls their lips together. The kiss innocent for but the briefest of moments.

It’s too much and not enough and yet it’s everything she’s ever wanted.

**Author's Note:**

> so i sat down and smashed this out in one sitting, my first holtzbert anything  
> let me know what you think


End file.
